Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Very Thought of You

23 weeks. 23 weeks of amazing journey, and I thank God everyday that He still gives me the chance and trust of having you with me. Sharing air to breath, food, drinks, even emotions. It makes me wonder sometimes how this miracle can happen. And you, my dear, has been making our day full of amazing things ever since we knew you were coming.

But with this constant grateful feeling comes some anxiety along. Can I be a good mother for you? I, the woman who cannot hold a new born baby without making them cry (even when they are 3-4 months old I still cant hold them right); who can't stand seeing children running around crying and screaming in places like wedding receptions, airport, airplane, and malls; who thought that children are only cute when they are quiet and not peeing, pooing, or having tantrum; will I be able to handle such great responsibility to take care of you? To nurture you, to make you into a proper human being living and socializing in a world so different with what I am living now?

It is not giving birth to you that makes me worry, my dear, I'm a woman. I am designed to bear and give birth to you. I know I am healthy enough and we will be able to work together to deliver you to this world the best way you want it, when you want it to happen. What worries me is what happens after you are born. Will I able to hold you without breaking a bone in your delicate body? Will I able to give you the 2 years of milk that is rightfully yours? Will I able to take a good care of you, while at the same time working to keep myself actualized? There are so many "will I" questions that I have right now. So much, that sometimes it's overwhelming. All I know is that I love you, your father loves you, and we will try our best to give you whatever we can do to keep you healthy mentally and physically.

It is true what people said. There is nothing that prepares you through motherhood and parenthood. God just give you the baby, the little precious bundle of joy, and you just have to deal with it. Its like you never know how to swim and one day you are pushed into a swimming pool along with other people who can't swim as well. What happen is either you gave up and drown, or you just try so hard keep moving and seeing other people around you and by the end of the day manage to float. I really hope I can be the second one. The ones who don't give up and fight to be a good parent, a better person one day at a time.

So thank you, for choosing me as your partner for this wonderful journey so far. We still have a long way to go before your launching time so lets work together you and I. I know you are healthy in there (because you have been constantly moving all over my belly the whole time during my writing this blog) and I wish you to stay healthy and strong until the day you chose to arrive to this world.

I love you, my little one :*

Your future mother

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